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분류없음 2008.02.13 16:43 by giny

I went over to talk to my dean today and he left me a very strong impression that I wish it to be documented. He looked dranged, exhausted, and scatterbrained. He talked about being too busy and having too many meetings. Also indirectly talked about lack of sleep. He himself seemed to be having not enough sleep. I felt like taking his precious time looking for an advice on my thesis. To him I am only a student, who deans don't usually see unless they are in serious academic probation or something similar. Anyways, I felt his fatigue of going around meeting too many people, using his brain and nerves to its full extent, without having much to sleep. It wasn't very inspiring to tell you the truth. I don't want to be that busy. I don't want to miss out on important things to be wasted at the work like that. Of course it is a tricky thing to say because if you are passionate about what you do then maybe that tiredness can be a happy one. If I had a job that I am totally madly and a hundred percently in love with, I would jeopardize something in exchange, most likely my relationship with someone. See, life is tough, I get that. And I get it when you get out of the school, there is the whole freaking world out there that doesn't even know you or care about you. Get out of the institution means almost like you are entering into a vacuum. Nobody knows when would that vacuum ends or if it ever ends at all. I will be honest enough to admit that I am scared of it. I don't have (technically and metaphorically) the balls to face it like everything is ok.

What I want to say, is that I don't even know what kind of life I want yet. I hardly stepped out of the lines for all my life, and I think it would make my life a little less boring and plain if I step out a little sometimes. Everybody is on their feet, too busy all the time. When do you think about your damn life? when do you stop and realize everything is fine or less than a stellar? My dean's red eye told me a lot today than he have actually spoken about. Yes, I feel sort of an ecstacy working on things that I love...but I just want to pause for a little air in between to see where I am going.

I'm gonna have to think about this for a while.
Grad school isn't maybe exactly where I wanna be at the time.


분류없음 2008.02.12 19:03 by giny
someone tried to kiss me at the bar today. he was around my age, and asked my number saveral times before he tried to lure me into the back. This was unacceptable, and offesive. I don't want to be treated like this just because I work behind the bar and sell booze. Maybe if I don't want to deal with this crap I should not be working here, but I find this logic very debatable. Girls working behind the bar are not ther because they enjoy flirting, but because they need money. Girls at the bar doesn't smile at you because they like you but because you are their customer. Guys who comes to drink at the bar are usually the lonely ones without anything better to do in the first place...but not everyone tries to grab my hand or waist. The people who are rude, they fucking don't care about respecting a human being. A bartender's job is not to offer you a flesh to touch, but to serve you a drink and be a momentary friend who you can talk to while you're there. I don't fucking care if you are a millinair or a retard, but just don't fucking offend me like that. Go ahead and pay your fucking bill and get out. Piss drunk pigs don't know any better.

I'm angry tonight.

national treasure

분류없음 2008.02.12 18:53 by giny
국보 1호가 허망하게 소실되었다. 사회에서 소외된 한사람의 분노가 600년이 넘는 역사를 불길과 함께 꿀꺽 삼켜버렸다. 나는 남대문 한번 제대로 본 적이 없이 컸지만, 한국에 가면 꼭 한번 가보고 싶은 곳 중 하나였는데. 오늘아침 처참한 붕괴사진을 확인 한 후 가슴 한켠이 얼얼했다. 국가적 손실을 떠나서, 국민들이 겪어야 하는 또다른 상실감은 어찌해야 할 것인가...내가 다 억장이 무너지는데, 발이 동동 굴러지는데...사회의 책임이냐 개인의 책임이냐 아무리 물어도 오십보백보. 어떤 면에선 대구지하철 사건이 떠오르면서 그나마 그런 인명피해가 큰 참사가 없었기를 천만 다행이다 싶은 생각도 있다. 하지만, 국보1호를 잿더미로 만든다는 발상은 아무리 생각해도 상상초월의 스펙타클이다. 도대체, 뭐하시는 분이길래 이런 어마어마한 발상을 할 수가 있는 것인가. 얼마나 큰 분노를 품고 살았기에 한 민족의 역사를 상징하는 소중한 문화재를 짓밟아 본보기를 보이려는 못되고 못된, 그런 의도를 키울 수 있느냐는 말이다.

세상은 정말 요지경이다...
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